In college, I learned an exercise to help with writer’s block.  The basic idea is to remove from your mind all of the things that are preventing you from writing, such as sounding professional/academic, having the right structure, etc., and to just write freely the things you are trying to say.  I was getting stuck while writing a cover letter, so I employed this technique using humor to break my mental barriers, and this is the result.  After showing it to some people, they suggested I put it up on my blog, so I acquiesced, after changing names and details of the letter to make it more generic.  I hope you enjoy the comedy.

The Listing:

Are you ready to be a critical part of a hip, fun, hard-working advertising team that works with top Fortune 500 clients?  FTW Agency is looking for a creative person to add to our team as an Account/AdOps/Media Coordinator.  Your responsibilities will include performing QA on assets pre-launch; troubleshooting any delivery issues that come up during campaigns; managing timelines, calendars, project trackers and overall account support materials; supporting and monitoring the needs of clients; and general administrative work.  As a member of our corporate team, you may also be called upon to give creative input on ad campaigns for some of the largest brands on the planet.  We are also a dog-friendly office, must love dogs!

Sound like fun?  Apply below, and come join our family!

Qualifications

• 0-2 years experience in advertising preferred
• BA/BS in quantitative field preferred
• Ability to work independently and as a team member
• Excellent communication skills
• Familiar with a fast-paced, deadline-driven work environment

The Letter:

Dear Cool Kids of FTW Agency,

I will kill this job.  I will take into an abandoned shed lined with plastic, stab it in the heart, chop it into hundreds of little pieces, and carry it out in garbage bags, Dexter style.  Bold claims, you might be thinking, but trust me, I’m more than capable.  Let’s start by examining the listed qualifications of the job.

1. 0-2 years experience in advertising.  0 years?  Please, I have double that.
2. BA/BS in a quantitative field.  Ok, I’ll be honest, my degree is in the numbers-lite world of History (do dates count?), but that doesn’t change the fact that after college I’ve taught robotics to kids and run my own business.  I have a technical background and I can make numbers my bitch.
3. Independent worker, but good in teams.  I work alone for most video projects, so being a self-starter is no problem.  As for teams, I used to do team stuff with theater in college, and I miss it.  Bring on the teams!
4. Excellent communication.  My clients love me, not just because I provide solid work, but because I’m so good at communicating.  Need a face-to-face meeting to talk about the project?  Done.  Want to trade emails about progress?  Done.
5. Fast-paced, deadline driven work.  Basically everything I do in freelancing is on fast turnarounds and tight deadlines, set by the constraints of the clients.  Enough said.

As for the other aspects of the job, I can ace those too.   My production background makes QA second nature, and creative input a specialty.   Scheduling calendars, handling support materials, and monitoring the needs of clients are all essential aspects of the business side of my freelancing.  As for general administrative work, I, like basically everyone in the western world, know how to use Microsoft Office like a pro.  Bring on the spreadsheets!

Oh, and my taste is impeccable.  My favorite ad is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S4tFzuFGUOI, which is, coincidentally, the best ad ever made.

Still doubt me?  I can provide a torrent of personal and professional references that will sing my praises.  Do I sound like the kind of work-slaying super-being you look to hire?  More like, do you have the workplace that is going to keep an ubermensch like me interested?  Let’s find out together.  Contact me by email (erikfryd@gmail.com) or by phone (650-346-7280) to arrange an interview.

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

Erik Frydenlund